Over the last few years I've been facing my fears around being vulnerable and money (amongst other things). Before fibromyalgia showed up in my life, I made really good money doing sales from websites to cars. After my fall, money has been more of a roller coaster which happens, everyone deals with ups and downs with finances including companies (ebb n flow of life).
Today it was brought to my attention that our car needs to be serviced which will cost between $600-$1000 and on top of that we are playing catch up on rent after our roommates moved out in March. Although money is coming in, it's the extra that we don't have for these types of things. Be aware of service maintenance on hybrid vehicles, we had no clue, that was our own ignorance.
My reactions and responses to such things has matured. Normally I'd shut down and feel like there's no hope, no help so why bother. I felt that feeling, and the emotions that come with it, start to creep in today. Sometimes this happens as a reminder of how far you've come, tho sometimes it can make you go back to those old patterns. But if you consider how they didn't work for you before, instead of reacting you will look at how to respond. This is what I'm focusing on today, responding to these feelings and emotions based on my current situation around money for rent and money for car service maintenance. It feels good getting this out in writing as I know it helps release these emotions from getting stuck, causing more pain ie my fibromyalgia pain.
I've come way to far to go backwards now. Last year I decided it was the first year of the rest of my life, so I take that into consideration too. When we start over or start to heal, we are still faced with those old patterns that are no longer serving us so that we can change those patterns. They will keep coming up until we do something different and quit going over the same old ground.