Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Money, Fear & Vulnerability (Oct 2017)

Today (Oct 2017) I was going to write about something else but this is where I am today, so I'm going to allow my vulnerability to be shown here.
Over the last few years I've been facing my fears around being vulnerable and money (amongst other things). Before fibromyalgia showed up in my life, I made really good money doing sales from websites to cars. After my fall, money has been more of a roller coaster which happens, everyone deals with ups and downs with finances including companies (ebb n flow of life).
Today it was brought to my attention that our car needs to be serviced which will cost between $600-$1000 and on top of that we are playing catch up on rent after our roommates moved out in March. Although money is coming in, it's the extra that we don't have for these types of things. Be aware of service maintenance on hybrid vehicles, we had no clue, that was our own ignorance.
My reactions and responses to such things has matured. Normally I'd shut down and feel like there's no hope, no help so why bother. I felt that feeling, and the emotions that come with it, start to creep in today. Sometimes this happens as a reminder of how far you've come, tho sometimes it can make you go back to those old patterns. But if you consider how they didn't work for you before, instead of reacting you will look at how to respond. This is what I'm focusing on today, responding to these feelings and emotions based on my current situation around money for rent and money for car service maintenance. It feels good getting this out in writing as I know it helps release these emotions from getting stuck, causing more pain ie my fibromyalgia pain.
I've come way to far to go backwards now. Last year I decided it was the first year of the rest of my life, so I take that into consideration too. When we start over or start to heal, we are still faced with those old patterns that are no longer serving us so that we can change those patterns. They will keep coming up until we do something different and quit going over the same old ground. 

Saturday, August 5, 2017

My Thoughts

Knowing this life is temporal, how can I worry? The afterlife most don't believe in, spirits in eternity. So much is misinterpreted, tho we think we know, we truly don't. There are many mansions in my father's house...are you building yours for the afterlife or for this temporary life which passes in a twinkling of an eye?

Know that you are loved no matter your troubles or that which you do. We create our own hells and heavens, which do you choose, happiness within - that peace that surpasses all understanding ie no matter how things look on the outside? Or happiness dependent from without - tossed and turned at every whim with no inner happiness and peace through thick and thin?

What is it to struggle, what is it to sacrifice? What is unselfishness? What is true agape love? Why do we hide? Why do we shut down and close up our hearts? This is so temporary then you pass on to the otherside of the veil, the afterlife. If only we knew the heartache that can bring when we don't come to understand all of life and the hereafter before passing.

Do you long to belong, to be loved without judgement? Who doesn't, right? But to trust again!? WTF!? How can we when we've been hurt, betrayed so badly that we're afraid to open up again?

Life is challenging, constantly changing, are you going to let your thoughts beat you down over it or are you going to choose different thoughts to ponder instead? It won't change your life over night, a week, a month, a year, no it won't but you'd be planting seeds for growth...patience my dear ones, patience.

This too shall are all loved beyond your imagination...many are around you loving you, in anticipation for you to open wide your hearts to all that is possible, even to that which seems impossible. 

Poem by Denise

Open heart, open mind

Vulnerability isnt a crime

Why fear anything at all

When its all temporal time

Loving others, nonjudgment

Being yourself no matter what

Looks of other's judgment, so what

Dont let that stop your ultimate rhyme

Step into pace with your soul

It knows you better than the whole

Life is too short to pass it by

Let yourself open up heart and mind

And see how far beyond you will fly

Tuesday, April 26, 2016


Where are you in your awakening, self-realization or evolution?

Whether it's spiritual or not we are all changing from outside in.
I say outside in 
as we are usually looking outside of ourselves, until we start looking within.

I am awake and embracing life in my own unique way, though I
honestly was not loving life outside my own peace bubble when I first

This took some time for me as it may for you. This too shall pass.
If it doesn't, that's ok too.

There is always balance in the Universe. 

Thursday, April 21, 2016

From Within...

From within, I bring forth
I am alone, therefore I bring forth
This is my creation, Do I like what I see? 
If not make those changes that benefit me for the All -who are the other beings of not myself?
Nothing is outside/separate from myself ergo my only need/to-do list is to go withing - be me.

Knowing this, there is nothing to teach, learn, heal outside my very own self. 
IT IS ONLY ME - all other apparitions are aspects of me - ie like me playing an RPG.
There is no one to pray to when there is no separation.

Friday, April 15, 2016

Virtual Reality

It's like we're all walking around wearing virtual reality glasses, interacting with our imaginations, while using the body to experience through our senses all the many things to experience here in this dual or polar world. How else can you experience something other than love? You can't. 

Have fun. 
Live, laugh, love. 

Love yourself, your Divine Self and be true to yourself always, in all ways. Embrace the shadow and all will be well. Let life flow and unfold.

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Starting my Blog here Back up...

As you read through old and new posts you will most likely see what you might call contradictions, depending on where you are in life...they are paradoxes as I am paradoxical. Is that a word? Don't know, don't mind if it isn't as words are very limiting anyways. I am who I am and am where I am and nothing more, nothing less. I love to worship, be unconventional, expand in ideas, study jyotish & numerology, writing randomly since I cant write sanely without it driving me insane.

I'll have guest blogs on here and will share blogs I come across that get my ideas across without the need to reinvent the wheel. Everything here is freely given. I'll be shining some light on the dreaded 6th, 8th & 12th houses, Scorpio, Saturn and Mars. I love all deities, ascended masters, angels, gods, and many more while embracing the yin and yang of ourselves and the universe. Some writings will make more sense than others and always feel free to comment. I'll be sharing some YouTube videos as well.

I love variety so you will see many different things between these 4 subjects: Life in General; Jyotish/Numerology; My Views on Spiritual/Religious/Philosophical/Scientific type stuff; Humor of the Mind (my mind mostly lol) which all 4 will include other's thoughts and ideas on these things. By the way, I had a much better script thought out a few days ago but this way truly keeps me authentic as I am my own worst critic. Oh, and in case you are wondering what the heck I do believe in, I believe in everything and nothing. Don't ask unless you really wanna go down that rabbit hole.